Advice to all Yankees Moving South
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck"or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. We don't understand you either.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house, and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all,Hold my beer and watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, its the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
Briskit is not 'cooked' in an oven
Duct tape: it ain't just for duct's
Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A 4 wheel drive F-150 is.
If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
If you fail to heed my warning above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daquiri. What you really mean to say is 'margarita.'
The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
"Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
Be advised that in the South, 'He needed killin!', is a valid defense.
I was born and raised in Louisiana. This post was absolutely hilarious to me. Enjoy!
Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck"or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. We don't understand you either.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house, and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all,Hold my beer and watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, its the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
Briskit is not 'cooked' in an oven
Duct tape: it ain't just for duct's
Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.
We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A 4 wheel drive F-150 is.
If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
If you fail to heed my warning above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daquiri. What you really mean to say is 'margarita.'
The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.
BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.
"Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
Be advised that in the South, 'He needed killin!', is a valid defense.
I was born and raised in Louisiana. This post was absolutely hilarious to me. Enjoy!
posted by Unknown at
14:11
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